Its around 4 in the morning. Thanks to a really messed up sleep timings, I am devoid of any sleep. Having convinced myself of bunking classes in the morning; I have all the time in the world to scribble a few words of ‘wisdom’. :D
Off late, I have had this desire of putting up a new post. By virtue of my uneventful life, I failed to get that desire of mine fulfilled.
Usually, in my uselessness I am either happy or frust with my life. In either case, I am never sure of what did I do deserve it. I try to look back to the decisions I have taken in the past and what led to it. I was amazed to find that mostly I end up doing a thing because I do NOT want to do the other thing!
The reason for this sudden enlightenment is the recent confusion that I had in deciding one place, to do my Ph.D, over the other. Now in the beginning I planned to deal with this decision making after putting a lot of thought over it. After spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of either places I realized that I did not have the correct weighing machine at my disposal. I was no where near a solution when this idea came to mind – I cooked up a reason for NOT wanting to go to a certain place. Viola! There I was with just one option left!
The decision made; I was quite at peace. That was until this unnerving thought came to my mind – exactly how miserable is my life that I don’t even know what to do in it? This again made me think about some of the decisions I had taken previously. Following are the excerpts of this brain churning procedure.
Why did I want to get a Ph.D. degree? Because I did NOT want to do either MBA or job.
How the hell did I even get into this situation of having to consider Ph.D.? Because I am mastering in Physics.
Why Physics then? Well… mostly because I did not get a good enough rank in JEE. But partly because I did NOT want to study (yes when you enter you like to think that you are going to study) the other subjects that I could have got. (No offense meant to other departments. Not because they are not bad. But, because Physics isn’t any better.)
That being the case. Why IIT? Because i did NOT want to get into BIT Mesra. (Again, no offense intended.)
Well there must be a reason why I chose to aim to become an engineer. (Getting an M.Sc. degree from IIT can be quite difficult thing to explain to others.) Yes, there certainly is. And the reason is (not you :P) that since I was a kid, I did NOT like cramming up for social studies exams.
I do not mean to suggest that I do not ever really want to do the things I do. Sometimes, I most certainly do. But when it comes to choose a future course of action; my inhibitions rather than my inclinations guide the way for me.
I guess there are those who know what they want in their life. We (I am sure there would be at least one more person in this category), the lesser beings, have to be content with doing away with things we do NOT want in our life!
PS1: I might have used the word ‘excerpts’ for the first time in writing.
PS2: @Apurv: I couldn’t stop myself from taking a dig at “the reason” ;)
A Frust Mind 